Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
