Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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