On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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