you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
