I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
