help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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