I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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