Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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