I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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