Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
no you cant smoke seaweed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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