Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize