ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
