who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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