I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
