Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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