Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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