I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
