Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
