i permit you to call me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
