I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
