She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
