mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
