Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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