hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I intend to get homeless drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
