Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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