Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
