hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
