Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
