Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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