i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
