i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
