I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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