so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
