Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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