Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
