I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
