Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize