he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
