all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
