fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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