Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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