no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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