Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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