so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
