I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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