Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
