I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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