I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
