The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
