Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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