oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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