I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize