Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
