The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
