So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
