my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Edward fifth and chaser hands
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This is the high leading the old right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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