wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
