I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
