I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
