Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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