i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
