just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
