Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
