I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize