im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
