the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
