I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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