im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Success! We fucked roommates!
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