I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
