i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
