cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
