i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
