i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
