Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
