I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
this just has baby written all over it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
