she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
