So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
