i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
