i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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