Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My first STD was from a foam party
Yo dont text me then not text me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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