Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
