Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
