Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
