fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize