i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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