ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Pooping to opera.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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