He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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